Holding on to you

“If I had my live to live again, I’d find you sooner.”
-Kobi Yamada

I knew from the moment i saw him that he stood out from the crowd. Even if he didn’t mean to.

He tried to shrink away from the crowd, he tried to make himself appear smaller.

she tried to talk less and avoid eye contact. even with those big honey brown eyes of his.

By oliver, I wanted to talk to him.

I wanted to get to know him.

and i didn’t even know why.

I got up the courage to talk to him, I spoke to him for less than a minute.

I couldn’t stop thinking about seeing him today. 

I got up early just to brush my teeth and fix my hair and wear a nice dress.

He probably doesn’t even know my name.

but I don’t care.

Something inside of me is stirring to talk to him, to get to know him, to tear away the walls built around us.

It took days, weeks, maybe months, but I did it.

I could live a lifetime of happiness just to be with him again.

He said my name.

I couldn’t believe that I was hearing it from his lips, but he said it. I so desperately wanted to kiss… 

He said my name aloud so the world could hear.

but he is my world.

and i wish that i could hear him say it alone, for me.

My heart beats and flutters, threatening to tear out of my chest cavity. 

he said my name.

he said my name.

It sounded like an accident, sounded like he didn’t mean to say it. but he did. my name, my very name came from his tongue.

am I dreaming? Is this real life? because I’m walking on clouds right now.

The boy who I can’t get out of my head knows I exist, knows my name.

It’s a dream come true.

I wanted to kiss him today.

I know that sounds incredibly stupid and immature and I don’t even know if he loves me
in return, but I desperately wanted to. It was an urging deep within my soul, telling me that this is right, that he is right and perfect and I love him so much. 

But I can’t. not until he loves me in return.

because one kiss could mean that he never speaks to me again,

or it could mean that he loves me,

and will love me forever.

I can’t take a chance.

so impatiently, I will wait and see.

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