In the name of love.

 

Dear Someone,

I have been meaning to write this letter for a long time. I guess, now is the time.

Yesterday marked the second month since the time I had last seen you. But I have that selfie in my phone which we had clicked when we had met. Whenever I want to see you, I see that picture. And whenever I see that picture, I go through a roller coaster of emotions. In those times, I don’t know if I should cry that you aren’t with me, or I should be glad that we happened. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I laugh. And today is one such day. Oh, wait! It isn’t. If it were, I wouldn’t have been writing this letter.

Most of the days, I am broken. But today, I am devastated, which tempted me to write to you. Someone asked me, if I missed you. I didn’t answer. I just closed my eyes and walked away and whispered’ “so much”.

I wish I could tell you that its worth fighting for,
As I can’t help it, there’s nothing I want more.., There’s no love like your love and no other could get more love,
because you’re my everything, all I wanted is for you to be my forever.

Now, all I wish for is to forget. I know I can’t. But I am trying to. I wish we, I could go back to the past and finish it before it even started or I could would try not to end. It would have saved both of us from a lot of pain. I mean, I don’t know about you; but it certainly would have saved me from a great deal of pain.

“Because even after all this time I still wonder
Why I can’t move on
Just the way you did so easily.”

I was already like broken pieces of a glass. You walked all over me to break me into further more fragments – those fragments got scattered – and now I can’t seem to find them to assemble and be ready to face another storm.

When you left me, you should have taken your memories away with you as well. You were once a beautiful dream to me. I always wondered how something as beautiful as love could turn into nightmares.

I wish to talk to you every day. But I can’t. The last time I had called you, you had blocked my number. Now, I hope that you might have unblocked my number, and I feel good in those times and I want to call you; but this very hope keeps me away from calling you, for there is a part of me which believes that you haven’t unblocked my number. I go back to what I was. You know, sometimes, I call you and cut the call before I can even hear anything from the other side. Reality frightens me.

“We don’t talk anymore!
Like we used to do…
We don’t love anymore
What was all of it for?
Oh, we don’t talk anymore.”

You left me like I never mattered. I don’t know if it’s the reality or not, but that’s how I feel now. And it is dreadful. This feeling – right here – kills me, slowly, day by day. [I wish I were addicted to cigarettes]. On days, I want to cry. But tears don’t come out. So I scream. I scream from inside. And on some days, I cry like I have never cried ever before. It destroys me, crushes my bones, and torments my soul. I never meant to tell you all of these, but pardon me, you should know. You would always ask me to tell you how I felt, or scream at you. But I never did. I wish I had. Now, when I want to tell you, I can’t. I wish I could. You aren’t here. I wish you were.

“But I wonder where were you
When I was at my worst
Down on my knees
And you said you’d my back
So I wonder where were you”

My pain is visible in my laughter. But you can’t see it. I wish you could. I laugh. Then I cry.

“And I can’t see the end of this
Now all this time is passing by
But I still can’t seem to tell you why
It hurts me every time I see you
Realize how much I need you.”

So, now, all I hope and ask of you is to come back and save me from drowning in the ocean of tears, loneliness, and despair. They say that my hope is of no use and that I am wasting my time.

I have lost enough. I don’t want to lose myself now.
I love you and I always will,
I want you to be by my side forever.
I promise I’ll be there whenever you need me.

Love,
The girl who loves you.

 

 

Mistake

The only mistake I did was I didn’t make you chase me.

 

I was as easy for you as the fire caught in the jungle.

 

I was as easy for you as the wind blown at the candles.

 

I didn’t make you choose me over people.

 

I didn’t force you to love me either.

 

I guess, I wasn’t much of a challenge.

 

I didn’t try to change you, I didn’t!

I will find him…

I don’t need a lot of things,
I can get by with nothing
Of all the blessings life can bring,
I’ve always needed something
But I’ve got all I want
When it comes to loving you
You’re my only reason,
You’re my only truth.
When the skies are gray and all the doors are closing
And the rising pressure makes it hard to breathe
When all I need’s a hand to stop the tears from falling
I will find him, I’ll find him next to me.

In the name of love

“I wanted to tell him that being loved is a talent too, that it takes as much guts and as much work as loving; that some people, for whatever reason, never learn the knack”

A wish

She was amidst the chaos, like a ray of light amidst the dark eve.
Wish I could be her slave,
Would do as she command and still pray god to forgive her deeds.

Walk with her like her shadow that she didn’t even bother to see,
I would still be happy even if I ll be her used tissue that touched her once and crumbled after her need.

Wish I could be her hair clip that she forgets every third day of the week,
Hope I would be as useful like oxygen that we don’t thank as we breathe.

Should I be the wind that makes her smile as she gushes like a small child with glee,
Or should I be anything that she didn’t notice but kept her happy,god please!

Let her keep her foot on my face, kick me when she freaks,
Can I be her punching bag or may be anything that she needs

I backed off!

I backed off,

Loving him was the best thing I did,

But backing off after he left me was a tough decision,

ONE MONTH GONE MORE TO GO 💔

I can endure the pain the tears for his happiness.

Away

He used to push me,
away from him, 
Little did he know
that his repulsion was my attraction.

I wonder..

And on some nights,
I wonder what would,
They say if,
For once.
I told them how low my emotional threshold is.
How translucent my skin has become,
How the taste of his skin has faded off my lips,
How i mean destroyed when I tell them I am ok.
How I mean poetry when I sit silently, mourning for said “immortal” love battling death, six feet deep.

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